Mothering Self and Others: The Struggle that Does Not Need to Exist

Ms. Magic Column
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Hi, I'm LIZ

Motherhood is the MOST powerful role on the planet!

The impact a mother has, both good and bad, is immeasurable. 

There are unspoken realities of motherhood, a brilliance to womanhood, and profound instinctual abilities possessed by every mother on Earth.

The soul contract of mutual evolution between mother and child is wildly deep.

This is part of our MAGIC!

Let’s embrace it.

Why is Motherhood So Hard?

Something has gone awry.  Our expectations of mothers have become unrealistic, unhealthy, and downright damaging.

Parenting is viewed as a constant struggle.  And harmony within a family unit is rarely found.

I’m here to claim we have far more mutuality than we realize and mothering can be a win:win situation for both parent and child.

The issue is that mothers have not been taught to care for themselves while caring for a child and so mothers have lost themselves.  This creates a lot of codependency between mother and child.

Let’s Define Codependency

The word ‘codependency’ can be really triggering.  When I use the word codependency what I’m referring to is the entanglement of 2 people’s vibrational fields.  

When you give birth, your field is intertwined with your baby.  This is natural and necessary; however it isn’t meant to stay that way.

Signs of Codependency

You can tell there is an entanglement if you experience the following situations…

  • When it’s hard to decipher whose thoughts are whose.  
  • If you find yourself responding to your child by first knowing what your child is desiring and expecting of you before you consider your own desires.
  • If you’re living in reference to your child.
  • Your child is consistently the more dominant thing in your relationship.
  • If you have feelings of anger towards your child.

How Do You Become Untangled?

A common response when recognizing discord in a relationship is to attempt the opposite behavior to correct the issue.

The opposite of codependency is retreat, in which you don’t allow yourself to interact with your child.  This is just as brutal as codependency.

There is a softer way of untangling.  One with mutuality that benefits both mother and child.

Let’s think about the nature of codependency.  Where does it originate?  

It’s born of a positive desire to nurture you child.  That’s not wrong!  It’s beautiful!

Where we’ve gone wrong is that we’ve failed to recognize that we must care for our inner child as well.

We need to awaken the needs within ourselves that might be dormant.

We need to activate the MAGIC of the inner child!

How Did You Enter Motherhood?

Did you enter motherhood with lots of support from your mother?  Did she teach you to also care for yourself while caring for your newborn baby?  We’re you afforded the ability to take naps when you needed and bathe when you desired?  Probably not.

Or did your entry to motherhood feel like a hustle?

I was a hustler in the beginning of motherhood.

I had to learn how to calibrate myself, how to balance my needs with my kids needs.  I had to build cooperation and mutuality.

In doing this I taught my kids that I value myself as well.  

As a result, we became best friends, honoring each other to get shit done so we could have fun.

Now people comment about my kids and our harmony, and their harmony with each other.

This is doable for all mothers!  But it takes courage to move against the perspective and narrative that mothering is hard, period.  

You have to acknowledge your inner child.

You have to respond to your inner child with care.

Self-discovery is required to get in touch with what your inner child wants.

When we see ourselves, we see others, we love others.

When we know what’s nurturing to us, we allow others to nurture us in that way.

Nurturing ourselves builds connection within the family unit.

We are worthy of nurturing!

We will figure out how to express our needs, 

not out of neediness, but out of a desire 

to have ourselves nurtured.

Hello Inner Child!

You say, “I’m tired and it’s making me angry because I don’t sleep much”.

What do you tell your inner child?

“Hi little inner child

I see you.
I love you.
I honor you.
You are an amazing mom.
You are in the phase of sharing all of you with your baby.
It is a completely selfless phase.
It is a phase our babies do not even remember, ever.
It is a phase that is not totally honored in the world.
Your body makes all of the nourishment for your baby.
You are up soothing your baby whenever it is needed.
How can I soothe you today?”

It’s important to be honest.
You need soothing too.

“What would feel soothing to you?
Tea, a bath, a break, a new item, a conversation, excitement of some sort, engagement of a topic other than babies, a funny tv show, something fun, a nap, a foot rub from another kid, acknowledgement from your husband, acknowledgement from someone else?
Pick a few things.
Let’s do them.
Let’s nurture you.
You are worth it.
You are valued.
You are not invisible.”

When you learn to nurture your inner child while simultaneously nurturing your child you will have mutuality of respect.  You will know how to have a two-sided relationship with your child.  You were not born to only serve your kid.  You are here together to experience life together.

I’m Liz Hays, a mother of 6, including my own inner child.

I’ve mastered vibrational harmony within myself and my children.

I can show you how I did it.

I’d like to invite you into a world of peaceful families.

A world we all deserve to live in.

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